Leadership thrives on a positive outlook. No, seriously. Optimism can help energize your team, spark new ideas, and allow people the chance to feel heard.

But there’s a fine line between an upbeat attitude and its harmful counterpart: toxic positivity. When your optimism becomes excessive or dismissive, it can leave people around you feeling frustrated and unheard.

“The problem with always having a positive spin on everything is that it invalidates other people’s feelings and experiences,” according to Neal Lester, a professor at Arizona State University, and the founding director of Project Humanities, which fosters cross-disciplinary dialogue and connection. At its core, “it’s about a lack of empathy; it’s not acknowledging where people are and what they’re going through.”

Toxic positivity often stems from discomfort with negative emotions, says Whitney Goodman, a therapist and author of Toxic Positivity: Keeping It Real in a World Obsessed with Being Happy. Embracing positivity isn’t a bad thing, of course, but “there’s a time and place for it,” she says. “To be a more effective communicator, colleague, or boss, you need to be able to deal with hard emotions and be open when people share their concerns.”

Recognizing the signs of toxic positivity in yourself can be tricky, but it’s key to building real connections and supporting your team. Here’s what our experts say to look out for in how you act, talk, and behave — and better ways to respond.

Sign #1: You’re quick to downplay your colleagues’ problems.

A colleague confides that they’re struggling with a tough project; your instinct is to offer quick comfort, so you say something like, “Everything will be fine,” or “Don’t overthink it.” While well-intentioned, these responses are counterproductive and can contribute to toxic positivity, says Lester. “When somebody is experiencing something they’ve defined as problematic or fearful, and you tell that person not to worry or that it’s going to be okay, that’s invalidating,” he says. “You’re not hearing what people are saying.” You’re also inadvertently creating an environment where team members don’t feel supported.

Instead: Prioritize “listening, understanding, and validating,” says Goodman. Acknowledge the other person’s reality, adds Lester. “Lean into where people are, rather than trying to map out a place where you want them to be.” Resist buying into misguided notions of resilience. “We have this idea that people need to demonstrate rugged individualism and an ability to get up and dust themselves off,” he says. “But that’s not the human experience.” It’s common to struggle, to feel down, and to need help.

Sign #2: You dismiss skeptics as “difficult” people.

You have an employee who always has a problem or criticism. In your mind, they’re the office Negative Nancy or just plain “difficult.” But this perception might be a symptom of toxic positivity, says Goodman. “One way this phenomenon shows up at work is by demonizing those who voice concerns, labeling them as complaining or overly critical.” When issues are raised, you might brush them off with phrases like, “Be grateful for what you have,” or “It could be worse.” This sends the message that their concerns aren’t valid.

Instead: Recognize the value of critical voices on your team. “You need people who point out when something isn’t working,” Goodman says. Work on fostering psychological safety, where team members can broach problems without fear or guilt. Goodman says that some leaders mistakenly believe that letting their team members open up will derail productivity. But in reality, “the more we let people share, and dedicate time and space for it, the healthier the workplace becomes,” she says. “It’s when you stifle people or shut them down that they explode.”

Sign #3: You’re always looking on “the bright side” and finding the “silver lining.”

“You can’t appreciate the sunshine without the rain.”

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”

“Everything happens for a reason.”

While these well-worn sayings might make you seem like the “exact opposite of Debbie Downer,” they often mask toxic positivity, says Lester. What’s more, these empty, feel-good phrases often come across as insincere and patronizing, notes Goodman. “People sense you’re trying to make them stop talking — and a lot of times that’s exactly what you’re doing.”

Instead: Stop with the platitudes. Goodman recommends active listening to understand what your colleague needs and wants at that moment. Studies show that when leaders practice this, employees report feeling less anxious, more self-aware. “People at their core want to feel understood,” she says. Take a cue from therapists who often paraphrase to ensure they’re hearing correctly. She recommends supportive phrases that show empathy, such as: “I am on your team,” “That makes sense,” or “I want to help you.” Don’t assume you know how the person feels or project your own experience, adds Lester. “Even if we wear the same shoe size, our feet feel different in those shoes.”

Sign #4: You immediately shift to fix-it mode when your colleagues are upset. 

When a team member tells you about the weight of a stressful work situation, you instantly launch into fix-it mode, rattling off a list of solutions: “Have you tried this? What about that? Here’s what you should do.” This rush to address the issue is a form of toxic positivity that implies your colleague’s feelings are something to be solved rather than acknowledged and validated, says Lester. What you might have missed is that “your coworker didn’t ask for your help,” he says. They just want to feel heard.

Instead: Allow your colleague to vent and express their emotions before offering solutions, advises Lester. “Listen to try to understand, not to respond.” Your instinct to help is commendable, but suppress the urge to offer answers from the outset. If you eventually steer the conversation toward a more positive outlook, Goodman suggests focusing on “what’s realistic and achievable for that person” rather than what you would do in their situation. “Just because something worked for you doesn’t mean it will work for everyone.”

Sign #5: You can’t resist sharing your thoughts on LinkedIn.

Social media is a playground for performative happiness, complete with sunset selfies and carefully curated images of idealized lives. When it comes to workplace cheerleading, LinkedIn is the prime venue, says Goodman. Posts about feeling “deeply proud” of colleagues and companies, “thrilled to announce” new jobs, and showcasing “amazing achievements” flood the feed.

Sharing good news can be a strategic career move and complimenting others is nice to do, but if you frequently post to project an upbeat image, it could signal an underlying issue of toxic positivity. A constant need to appear positive can create a facade where everything seems perfect, leading to pressure to always appear happy and successful, says Goodman.

Instead: Check yourself the next time you begin a flowery post or comment. This is not to say that you should “share the hardest parts of your life on the internet,” says Goodman, but rather make sure that you aren’t “using positivity to deal with your emotions.” Seek out people with whom you can be honest. “It can be dangerous when you don’t have someone in your life that you can be real with or any other outlet to process your emotions,” she says. “It’s important to have those relationships both inside the office and outside.”